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Fall 2009

  • AK: "If you fail [the GRE] every time, that's a hint."
  • ZL: "That's a new one. I like it. You could almost dance to it." / AK: "Really quickly."

Summer 2009

  • DB: "Why is this not working?" / MS: "Morbius is not promiscuous enough."
  • AM: "Isn't holy water hard to come by?"
  • DB: [Speaking about AM's meeting with CS] "We also don't recognize [Struble] as a valid commitment."
  • RB: "Don't just sit there and gloat at me."
  • RB: "Jokes don't really work right now. Sorry."
  • AM: "Ruining my body with one substance is enough."
  • AM: "I need someone to hold my hand when I go get a haircut."
  • AM: "Everyone sounds lame when they post on girls' walls."
  • AM: "I'm in Cudahy. I work here and live here."
  • DB: "Adam counts as -1." / AG: "Only one?"
  • ZL: "It sounds like crap but it corresponds."
  • DB: "I will be the supportive advisor this evening." / MS: [Sarcastically] "What a change."
  • AM: "In dangerous situations, that's when it's best to drink
  • AG: "Yeah. We played Wii bowling. And I learned how to play Magic." / DB: "Ohh noo. It's like supervoc being taking over by the mad man. Once SV7 is gone its all downhill."
  • DM: "Iran. Iraq. IRAW."
  • AG: "You can only flash something once." / ZL: "Clearly, because you get arrested after that."
  • AM: "I was rushing because I needed to be here by 3pm today."
  • MS: "He just put a hack on top of a hack on top of a hack." / AG: "You don't have a network stack, you have a network hack." / ZL: "You have a network pile."
  • AK: "Someone wrote on our table." / Anonymous: "Kill them."
  • DB: [Talking about hair] "That's not a matter of personal preference; that's correct."
  • AM: "There would be so many good quotes if we allowed f-words."
  • MS: [Speaking to DB's friends] "You might want to bring your own videos."
  • RB: "Oh no. It works consistently. It gets my hopes up only to shatter them."
  • ZL: "It's good. But.." / AG: "But, It looks like I cheated. ... You got to cheat sometimes."
  • DH: "Why would I doubt you, you are a student whose life depends on following the rules, I am only Director of a program which is supposed to enforce the rules."
  • AK: "Yeah. I'm pretty much done. I'm wasted."
  • AG: "I fear ugliness."
  • AM: "Chicks dig werewolves."
  • AM: "Computers should never take this long to do something unless its awesome." / GV: "Did you press the turbo button?"
  • RB: [To AM] "You're going to make some freaky girl very happy someday."
  • AG: "It looked like you were conducting an orchestra." / MS: "Well, I was composing an email."
  • RB: "I feel like I am using beta every time I log into Windows."
  • ZL: "Get it done. Testing is not important."
  • DB: "What's wrong with you people?"
  • ZL: "The thing is, when I do say something offensive, it's very good."
  • AM: "The sooner I get kicked out of the lab, the sooner I can start drinking."

Spring 2009

  • AM: "Do you really want me in charge of something that affects another human being?"
  • TB: "Sleep sounds amazing right now." / AM: "Oh my god...does it ever!"
  • ZL: "I'm all about making fun of people while they're in the room."
  • DB: "The Internet is a vast wasteland of sewage."
  • DB: "I won't say it's fixed, but I have now intervened on your behalf."
  • Zachary's Girlfriend: "Darn. I am taking on Brylow traits."
  • DB: "You can think of them as ornaments hung on a syntax tree."
  • AK: "purged Tim from nvram"
  • AK: "If you want some sort of base for how sick I still feel just insert a burst of coughing after each sentence while reading this email."
  • DB: "The rat gets nothing!"
  • AG: "My brain operates at 10,000 Gemberflops per second."
  • AG: "I'm not saying it's my opinion. I'm just saying its Adolph's opinion."
  • DB: "He's celebrating the month of feasting."
  • DB: "There's a special travel dispensation for pretzels."
  • CS: "I'm not very quotable."
  • AM: "Oh, it's travelling up in my butt."
  • AK: "I shut off Slayer while we are gone." / MS: "I'm sure Mawdryn will turn itself off, too."
  • AM: "My room mate never plays with me."
  • MS: "I just made a mess on the seat."
  • TB: "I don't need a haircut - I am representing myself at this conference."
  • AM: [Referring to high performance gum] "It is just like high performance computing: it's really really good for a really really short period of time."
  • AK: [Speaking to Brylow] "We just got out of Cracker Barrel and you are already eating pretzels."
  • AM: "Oh my God - Dinosaur World. We are skipping SIGCSE."
  • TB: "Yeah, my life is a joke sometimes."
  • TB: "One of these days I'll get English right."
  • Presenter at SIGCSE 2009: "I mean, it's kind of fun to trash your operating system."
  • TB: "I like to let my hair air-dry. It poofs better."
  • ZL: "I would not want Tim on my team for a game of telephone."
  • DB: "They're not pretzel rods, they're fuel rods."
  • DB: "But that's non-linear board usage. I never do that."
  • AK: "There's a lot more TODOs where those came from."
  • DB: [Said to an almost empty lab] "Aren't I paying a bunch of students to work for me?"
  • AM: "Aww we all got laser pointers! This is gonna rule!"
  • TB: "I thought I fixed everything doing nothing. It happens so many times."
  • [A discussion on going to the bar in a lab of all guys] / AG: "We're probably not as good looking as Victoria." / AM: "Yeah, and she has a boyfriend...but none of you have boyfriends."
  • DB: "Just for funsies."
  • TB: [As AM points a laser pointer at TB] "I feel like I'm being snipped."
  • Ryan Feil: [Speaking in the lab of an operating systems assignment] "Shouldn't there be more people here scrambling to get this done."
  • MS: [As DB writes "IP Stack" on the board] "Ha ha. He pees stack. IP urine."
  • ZL: "Really all we have right now are questions."
  • MS: [On a sheet of paper hidden among AM's homework] "#6. Thm: Adam sucks! Ha ha. / Pf: trivial."
  • ZL: "I should just source control my...everything."
  • DB: "English is not sufficient for teaching compilers."
  • TB: "That's it. It's 100 percent done."
  • TB: "We were 100 percent done. We just need to get more speed-up."
  • AG: "So, Tim, when you are 30, will you say your life is 100 percent done?"
  • AG: "make tim: now compiling nonsense.c"
  • DB: "Oh, here we go: proof by rant. That's a new one."
  • AM: "Do you really want me representing this school." / DB: [Out of context] "No."
  • AG: "If I leave the lab, I feel like I'm leaving civilization behind."
  • AG: [Browsing through Mike's wedding gift registry] "Xinu only has 50 threads. The sheets Mike wants have 410, but they don't have memory protection."
  • AK: "Oh good Brylow left. Now I can leave."
  • AK: [First commit message] "modified some ifthenelse stuff to look a little more like class" / [Second commit message] "removed the code I added to ifthenelse, it made no sense and didn't compile"
  • DB: [To a prospective student touring the System's Lab] "Ignore the rat."
  • MS: [Discussing DB's tests] "Why would you study for his test? You are either screwed or not screwed...it's fairly binary."
  • MS: [Left a message for AG] "I hax0rd your boxor!"
  • AM: "Oh look. She dumped me on Facebook. Awesome!"
  • DB: "Don't stroke the yeast colony."
  • MS: [Speaking of his yeast colony] "It's free!" / DB: "Don't release it!"
  • MS: "If I just get really offensive and harsh with what I say then I won't get quoted any more."
  • DB: "Alright, I'm going home. See you in the morning." / ZL: "The morning. Really?" / DB: "Well no."
  • MS: [Anticipating DB's response to new advisees] "You want to be my advisee. Kiss the clock."
  • MS: "It is much more important to see me being reamed up the ass."
  • JA: [Discussing potential names of Dan Mahoney's future son] "Name him your last name backwards so he can be a palindrome."
  • AK: "Big setup no follow through." / AG: "I'm all about that." / MS: "That's what she said."
  • DB: "That's not an algorithm; that's a sweatshop."
  • Lyndsie: "High school cheer leading is even on ESPN." / MS: "That is really sweet!"
  • AM: "I always assume that everyone in the world is just listening to me to talk. I also assume that people just follow me around just to listen to me."
  • AM: "Every time Tim opens his mouth to say something about the poster, you just close your eyes and pray."
  • DB: "This will all work out right? Induction through hand-waving."
  • DB: "Except it's like fake adoption, where it turns out the child is actually yours."
  • "If you're concerned about that you're probably in the wrong major, because we're going to build skynet."
  • DB: "So we are selling you to indentured servitude now?" / AM: "I hope so, then I get free passage to the new world."
  • DB: "Why do you work here?"
  • AM: "I have three desks worth of space just taken up with garbage and shit."
  • Anonymous: "You know, pretty soon that relationship will be 100% done."

Fall 2008

  • MN: [Talking about the large rubber rat] "I don't get paid enough to have this thing look at me."
  • AK: "Now that grading's done, I deserve a pretzel."
  • AG: "I haven't even started, and I already feel defeated." / MS: "Welcome to graduate school."
  • RFC 793: Transmission Control Protocol: "When the original SYN (pun intended) finally arrives at line 6, the synchronization proceeds normally."
  • AM: "If I think more than 30 seconds into my own future I start to panic."
  • AM: "Once again, I've solved the problem, but the computer has failed to see my genius."
  • DB: "It takes many years of sucky teaching to learn how to teach well. You have to start sucking somewhere."
  • TB: "When you get the packet it is all going to be out of order."
  • MS: "I was going to ask you what they stood for, but I knew the answer was: 'Get the hell out of my office Mike.'"
  • DB: "You have the plague now too?"
  • AK: "It was like Tim's brain on a piece of paper."
  • AK: "His abstract was words in a paint can and all he did was throw it on a poster."
  • TB: "Yeah, how did we get sidetracked." / AM: "I started talking."
  • DB: "Now US-41 through Terre Haute, that's the corridor of hell."
  • Zachary's Sister: [Upon visiting the Systems Lab] "It's like having six zacs."

Summer 2008

  • linux- Ugly macros are a way of life.
  • ../net/tcp/tcpTimer.c:101: error: ‘rum’ undeclared (first use in this function)
  • BH: "Vim has a learning curve." / MS: "No, it's a line."
  • MS: "[re: Firefox Plushie] Wow, that look more like a raccoon to me. And wouldn't that just make people position Linux Tux and Firefox Fux is various explicit positions? Or is that just me?" / DB: "Yes, Michael. It is just you. And I don't think the Firefox mascot's proper name is 'Fux.'"
  • JP: "I'm laughing because my nose itches."
  • JP: "I'm not going to start my own business. For a business to work, the owner has to care."
  • MS: "Broken Beyond Syntax, that's going to be the title of my autobiography."

Spring 2008

  • JP: "I'm not saying it's my opinion, I'm just saying it's an opinion."
  • JP: "Yeah, that's just fool complicated."
  • AG: "Even Tim's pictures have bugs in them."
  • AK: "Warnings mean you are smarter than the compiler!"
  • AG: "Do you use text messaging?" / JP: "What's that?"
  • AG: "I feel like doing something. What should I do?" / PH: "Go home."
  • DB: "Any questions? What else have I forgotten to tell you?" (email to lab) / Response: "The XINU lab notes that you forgot to tell us that you love us."
  • DB: "Traditionally, graduate students get a bed to themselves in this situation."
  • PH: "I'm really going to enjoy watching the commits to this branch."
  • ZL: "Voc and Supervoc joined at the UART"
  • George Corliss: "Verbose. Minus 5."
  • Steve Merrill: "Publish! Publish! Publish!" (walking down the hall past junior faculty offices)
  • JP: "I am just participating cause I'm standing here."
  • JP: "New commands are silly."
  • JP: "I've solved all kinds of problems in my life that no one's ever solved before."
  • AG: "You know scheme. I know scheme. We all scheme for ice cream."
  • DB: "I like StarTrek, but that would be less a hobby and more an investment."
  • MS: "Subtract two." / MN: "Why?" / MS: "...because I said so." / MN: "...alright..." / MS: "...and then when that doesn't work subtract four. But two should work." / MN: "Two didn't work." / MS: "Damnit! Subtract four." (Conversation continues in a similar fashion until Matt ends up subtracting eight.)
  • DB: "So they basically made a hammer and went after everything that could be a nail."
  • JP: "This is so unfair to us petty criminals."
  • DB: "We'll all be getting eye transplants soon."
  • DB: "I am somehow derived from C." (on the ubiquity of the C programming language)
  • JP: "First you have to get the $3,000 license for the whizbang that does all the work."
  • DB: "I don't remember what the silly window is, but it must be important."
  • AK: "[UML is] just a bunch of boxes on paper."
  • DB: "Java has corrupted you all."
  • KJ: "There are some fonts that really spread out a paper." (discussing parameters for COSC 198 term paper)
  • DB: "You're telling me to put in less work. I'm not going to argue with you."
  • See MIPS Run, 2nd Ed.: "When we finally make contact with aliens, their wheelbarrows will have round wheels and their computers will probably use fixed-size pages."
  • RFC 826: An Ethernet Address Resolution Protocol: "The world is a jungle in general, and the networking game contributes many animals."


  • XINU Cometh.
  • XINU Returneth.
  • XINU Calls.
  • XINU Returns.
  • XINU Creates.
  • XINU Reschedules.
  • XINU Saves and Restores.
  • XINU Preempts.
  • XINU Comes Not to JUDGE, But to EXECUTE...
  • XINU Knows Your Inmost Firmware.
  • XINU Brings New Life to Old Hardware.
  • XINU Waits.
  • XINU Allocates.
  • XINU Deallocates Away.
  • XINU Tastes Great.
  • XINU Has Less Filling.
  • XINU Eschews Obfuscation.
  • XINU Does Not Do Windows.
  • XINU Brings ORDER out of CHAOS.
  • XINU Brings CHAOS from ORDER.
  • He Whoever Believes in XINU Shall Have Eternal Processing.
  • XINU Shall Run Again.
  • XINU Is Not UNIX.
  • XINU. It's What's For Dinner.
  • No XINU and No Mips Make Homer Something Something...
  • See XINU. See XINU Run. Run XINU Run.
  • XINU Allocateth, XINU Deallocateth Away.


Abbreviation Name
AG Aaron Gember
AK Adam Koehler
AM Adam Mallen
BH Brandon Hahn
CS Craig Struble
DB Dennis (or Dr.) Brylow
DH Doug Harris
DM Dan Mahoney
GV Gabe Van Eyck
JP Justin Picotte
JA Joe Pintozzi
KJ Kyle Jackson
MN Matt Netkow
MS Michael Schultz
PH Paul Hinze
TB Tim Blattner
ZL Zachary Lund